hello my joyful friends,
Update on those pesky expectations, expectations part II?. Since my last post, I have been observing myself. Me, me, me. I said, “I”, 35 times in that post. Just a reminder, this is my blog and it is about me. Very self-centered, yet hopeful that my experiences, my tangents, my joy, and yes, my insanity at times, will somehow spark joy in others. Oh goodness, that is a tangent in its infancy, so back to the topic, expectations.
It was surprising when I was in this observing mode, monitoring my expectations, how often I am future thinking. My daughter (poor thing, never signed on for this!) will be going out and I’ll say “So maybe dinner?” or “Then I’ll see you tomorrow?” My expectation of seeing her, spending time together, needed to be affirmed. Remember how I abhor change? I realize it’s because I fear the future. If everything I have now is good, then why risk upsetting the apple cart. But then, I realized that change, challenges, pain and the like, are almost always followed by emotional and spiritual growth. No pain, no gain?
So, if I don’t expect anything, good or bad, to happen in the future, then I am free to follow my heart, my intuition, to take a risk. Maybe it’s age. I’m over trying to please people, to fit in, to live up to some unrealistic expectation, both theirs and my own. Honestly, I feel lighter (not like I lost the COVID 12 lighter), freer, more at ease, and nothing has changed except my expectations. I know I will see my daughter and we will spend time together. No need for anyone else to assure me of that. I know that the collaborative project at work will get done, or not! It doesn’t matter.
What does matter is my serenity. I had lost it. And, I was in a lot of pain, physical, emotional, spiritual. All this trying to control what is going on around me, people, places, things, to fit this expectation of what my future WILL BE, that is, if I have anything to say about it.
Imagine trying to move giant pieces on a chess board, pushing and pulling all those pieces around, so heavy. Now imagine me not pushing, not pulling on my life, on the people around me. Imagine me, sitting under a tree, noticing a butterfly, a soft breeze….oh gag! That is not me. Imagine me, faith restored, yes faith. I am not in charge, I am not able to control the future no matter how I try. So, I let go! I trust and have faith that something bigger than me, is in charge. A power greater than myself, that restores me to sanity. That brings back the the serenity that was lost.
I googled “how to lower expectations”, looking for a list, a tool kit, a paint by number solution, and found this cool article instead. It talks about spirituality, social pressure, attachment (that’s the real problem, by the way…another time, another tangent, another post?). And, yes, in the end it provides a list, “How to Defeat Expectations” in four easy steps. Check it out. I’ll end with this.
“Your glass is not empty or full; it’s already broken.”
Buddhists have it figured out, at least this one has. He said,
“You see this goblet? For me, this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably…But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over…and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, “Of course.”
When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”
until next time.
faith: strong belief or trust in someone or something that is not based in proof. Optimism, reliance, hope, conviction.